In your history of drinking out, we’re sure you’ve come across several kinds of bartenders. From the ones that you’ll always remember to the ones that are less than memorable, you’ve met them all. Although you might not like everyone, in fact, you’ll probably despise most of them, you know that your impression of a bar and the experience of your night out rests on their bottle-flipping, cocktail-stirring shoulders. Here are the ones you’ll most frequently meet:
The Distant: This is the bartender of your nightmares, the one that will haunt your self-esteem for years to come. You’ve been standing at the bar for hours, just trying to get their attention, flailing like a headless chicken. Your friends have had more luck and abandoned you for the dancefloor, you’re starting to age slowly but surely and yet, the bartender hasn’t even looked your way. You’re probably even starting to contemplate having a sober night and he still remains unmoved, pretending to be busy when he can clearly serve you. Our advice – try finding the tallest person ordering drinks and look at them pleadingly. Hopefully, they’ll be able to come through for you.
The Overenthusiastic: This bartender really does have a passion for his job. The amount of flair and flourish he has in throwing bottles up in the air is commendable but does it really have to take this long? Why do you have to describe every ingredient to us? We love drama and pizzazz, and we know you really want us to have a flaming shot, but let’s all just calm down a sec, ok? We just need a glass of water right now.
The Creep: We all know this one bartender that has taken the idea of bartenders getting laid way too seriously. No sir, I do not want your number, I just need my drink. Can a woman not get a drink without having your bartender try to tell you the same pick-up lines you got on Yahoo chat rooms as a teen? Apparently not. When he inevitably winks at you and asks if he can ‘get anything else’ for you, just reply with ‘the manager’, and watch this really gross butterfly shrink back into his cocoon.
The Ancient:You know those old bars you visit because they are etched into the history of iconic bars in your city? One of the many reasons they are iconic is the ancient staff that comes with them. The bartender has most likely seen it all in their 300+ years of service and will most likely give you unsolicited advice on how to live your life. Your drink will get to you at the lightning speed of 1 step/hour but at least you get to listen to really anticlimactic yesteryear stories you never asked for!
The Buddy: You’re not really a drinker if you don’t have at least one bartender that you’ve met so many times that you’re now practically soulmates. The nod you share when you enter the bar, free shots, him pretending like he actually missed you when in reality he knows you’ll be there every Friday, vouching for you with bouncers and the fact that he knows all your quirks and favourite drinks – all make for an incredible drinking experience. Never let them go!
