Alright, everyone. We’re all adults here, but there are things even we don’t want to say out loud. We’re not sure exactly why, but something about inventing a cocktail makes people think incredibly lewd, offensive, or otherwise blush-inducing things when it comes to giving their creation a name. We’ve pulled together some of the most creepy ones, be it sexually explicit or just plain profane.
Bend Over Shirley: This is certainly one cocktail your grandmother wouldn’t even dream about ordering. Sure, she’s a big fan of Shirley Temple, but this little girl we’re talking about is more like Madonna. Dirty, deadly, and treacherous.
What You Need:
•1 1/2 oz. raspberry vodka
•4 oz. Sprite soda
•3/4 oz. Rose’s grenadine syrup
Cock Sucking Cowboy: Giddy-up, Cowboy, ‘cause it’s time to re-live the scenes from Brokeback Mountain – or at least fool your friends into thinking you are. If you find yourself stuck in a room full of men you can’t stand, whip this drink out and start serving it to the guests.
What You Need:
•Two parts Butterscotch Schnapps
•One part Baileys
1-900-FUK-MEUP: This drink needs no elaborate introduction. Take a look at the ingredients and you’ll spontaneously combust with the amount of alcohol it contains. Warning: A glass of water on standby is a must! And you need to be fucking rich!
What you need:
1/2 oz. Absolut Kurant
• 1/4 oz. Grand Marnier
• 1/4 oz. Chambord
• 1/4 oz. Midori Melon Liqueur
• 1/4 oz. Malibu Coconut Rum
•1/4 oz. Amaretto
•1/2 oz. Cranberry and Pineapple Juice each
Sex On My Face: Want to know what it feels like to be an ostrich? This drink will show you exactly how. You’ll wake up the next day with half your head buried in the sand while you’re covered in what seems to be your dinner the night before.
What You Need:
•1/2 oz. Yukon Jack Canadian whisky
•1/2 oz. Malibu coconut rum
•1/2 oz. Southern Comfort peach liqueur
•1/2 oz. banana liqueur
•1 splash cranberry juice
•1 splash pineapple juice
•1 splash orange juice
Angel’s Tit: You may not be as lucky as Leonardo DiCaprio or Adam Levine. You can’t seem to land that Victoria Secret Angel you’ve fantasized about. So what? You’ve got the next best thing in this drink! At least you’re not being a sore loser about it. Right? (*wink *wink)
What You Need:
•1/4 oz Creme de Cacao
•1/4 oz Maraschino Liqueur
•1/4 oz Heavy Cream
•Maraschino Cherries
Phew! We don’t know we pulled through this one…